im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
