i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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