So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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