Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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