I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
