If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
