Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
COCAINE IS GR8
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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