I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
