i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
