You smell like stripper and shame
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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