Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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