Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
