I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
