I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
