Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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