he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
