I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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