I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we're so committed to being not committed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
