To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
