You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
