She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
where are my eyebrows?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
