you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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