He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
