Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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