I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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