Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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