I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
