I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
