He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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