Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
