What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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