this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
