You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
