Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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