meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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