I faked an abortion last night.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
