Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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