fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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