youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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