u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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