Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
