in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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