There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
