and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize