o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
