Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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