Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
