It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
