one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
