Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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