I just pynch a tree in the face
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Randomize
