So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
