Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
