I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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