Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
