9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is Oprah even human
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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