Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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