so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
