i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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