Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
