is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
