I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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