she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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