I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Buhtt sex?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
