is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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