Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
