As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
