god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
