Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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