It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
