every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
