she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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