Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
