Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
