96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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