Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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