remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
