Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
