end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish life had little blips of pornography
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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